track workout

I headed to the Roosevelt track this morning at 6:15 with headlamp in hand and with a sense that perhaps if I ran there once a week that it might let you know that you are not alone in your track workouts there in Blantyre even though it is not your favorite thing to do.

 (So, not only am I getting up much earlier these days to run and I'm running on Sunday mornings with the Oiselle group, but I am going to a track voluntarily. I wonder if I need to be checking my temperature.)

On the way running to Roosevelt, the song "Soul Sister" that Taylor loves was stuck in my head. I thought at least the title of the song was appropriate, Elizabeth, as that describes us pretty well.

As I ran this morning, I tried to pray for something different for your family during each lap. And this morning, these are the things that came to mind as I was praying and circling that track:
1) for patience- for you two especially as you all parent Micah in this season of transition... (and for patience with one another with so much stress that is on your shoulders...)
2) for wisdom- for your words, for your responses, for the way you guide and lead and serve Micah....
3) for a softening of Micah's heart....that he would be able to listen and learn in all of this and that his spirit would be moldable and shapable...
4) and as the colors hinted at the sun coming up on the horizon, I prayed that you would know that God's mercies are new every morning...and that you would know His faithfulness today.

5) And then I thought of this email that continues to encourage me in my parenting from a friend I worked with in Yosemite years ago. I know I've shared this with you before, but it bears repeating:
"As I have struggled (recently), I have been asked where I see God in all of this. Most people assume that because my life isn't rosy right now, I should or must feel angry or disappointed or abandoned by God. But, what I feel is so blessed. I have felt Him walk with me through this path, holding me from the very bottom, giving me hope. The analogy I have thought of is my relationship with my daughter Siena. She can be so volatile, so moody and prone to great fits of frustration and anger. While this often frustrates (and often angers) me, it is also in those moments when she is most unable to help herself, or control herself, or find her center, that I feel most the blessing of parenthood. For I get to hold her, discipline her, love on her in the midst of her worst moments. Most people (adult to adult) don't put up with that kind of behavior. But I have the privilege of holding her and saying that I love her even in the midst of all these times and God has entrusted me to help shape who she is. Those are the moments when I feel like my love for her (marked often with some discipline or firmness) has the greatest ability to help her be herself, to find what is truly herself, to hold her through the whirling of emotions. It is fun to be a mom when the kids are happy and Siena is full of hugs and love and we play, but I most cherish those moments when I am her rock, and I hold her from flying off into the cosmos, unfettered and unhappy. And that is how I see God - holding me when I feel like I might come apart, stroking my hair and saying, "shh, it will be okay, just rest and let the moment pass."  

Know that I'm continuing to hold you in prayer today-

XOXOXOXO... 

more birthday love

more birthday love for Micah to extend the celebration! 

holding up 6 fingers for Micah!! 

Heather had markers out for the kids last Sunday and 

these cards are ready to be packed in the bag I am sending with Ben.... 

But here's a sneak peek... 

a birthday video for Micah from Eva and Anna 

http://youtu.be/zeTd6tTBrTY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICAH!!!

Today on your birthday, Micah, 

we hope you know that...

you are the light of the world, Micah! 

HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY!! 

a little Star Wars in church

thinking of you at the National Cathedral in DC.... 

a glimpse of the Darth Vadar gargoyle at the Cathedral 

"In the 1980s, while the west towers were under construction, Washington National Cathedral held a decorative sculpture competition for children. Word of the competition was spread nationwide through National GeographicWorld Magazine. The third-place winner was Christopher Rader, with his drawing of that fearful villain, Darth Vader. The fierce head was sculpted by Jay Hall Carpenter, carved by Patrick J. Plunkett, and placed high upon the northwest tower of the Cathedral." 

spotting a tiny glimpse of Darth

Love Languages

Over the last couple of weeks, we have been talking with Anna and Taylor about love languages. One week, we watched this video called "What Makes You Feel Loved" by Cynthia Tobias, a woman I have heard speak at UPC several times.  We each made a list like she suggests in the short video.

The next week, we each took these surveys:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/children/
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

It was interesting to see that Taylor scored high on words of affirmation, and Anna scored about the same on words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time.  Jason was high on quality time while my two primary languages scores were acts of service and words of affirmation.  Jason and I both scored about the same on physical touch (but the score was lower than some of the others).  What this made me realize is that this language is not always the first way we express or receive love with one another.  I remember at the retreat with Tina last year that I expressed that I was concerned about all that would be required of us through the weekend.  Quite frankly, my underlying question was "Could I sustain that amount of engagement and of showing up?" It felt a bit to me like asking a non-runner to gear up to run an ultra marathon without much practice building up to it.

These activities that we explored on love languages reminded me that intimacy is a language that I need to grow in and I need to learn to practice with more fluency.  Jason and I continue to talk about how we can carve time out for each other and we continue to struggle to make that happen each day.  But, I know that it's so important and that I want to be modeling this for our children. I am a beginner in this and am taking some baby steps in this language acquisition.

And, I just wanted the two of you to know that I am grateful we share this common language with you.....

Story Time

The following story is from the message at UPC last Sunday that I thought you would all love. 

The guest pastor who was preaching relayed a sermon by Tony Campolo of a story of a kid who, because of a terrible automobile accident, ended up losing his left arm. His father, trying to cheer him up, told his son he would do anything for him. One day the kid said, “You know, Dad, I’ve heard you can learn judo and do it with one arm. I’d like to learn judo.”

So the father got him a judo master, and the kid learned some moves. But after about 2 or 3 lessons, the master had him focus on just one move, and they worked on this move day after day, hour after hour. At the end of two months, the master said, “There’s a tournament coming up. I want you to enter it.” The kid said, “You’ve got to be kidding! I’ve only been taking judo for a couple of months. Other than basic moves I only know one really good move.” But the master convinced him to give it a try.

They went to the tournament. And this one-armed kid surprised himself by winning his first two matches. The third round proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win that match as well. He couldn’t believe his good fortune. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals. He was up against the champion. This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the judo master intervened.

"No," the master insisted, "Let him continue."

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: He dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home he said to the master, “I don’t understand it. I’ve only been taking judo for two months. I don’t have a left arm. And I just won a tournament. How is this possible?”

The master said, “You won for two reasons. First, the one move you do now is one of the most effective moves in all of judo. The second reason why you won is the only defense against that move is to grab your opponent’s left arm.” 

I know in my head that God indeed uses our weaknesses and turns them into strengths.  Praying for you all this week that you will experience the joy and freedom of this truth even when it is hard to believe (and even when you can't bring yourself to be at the hospital for orientation)...  because I get it that sometimes it just does not ever seem like our weaknesses are going to do anything but discourage us and bring us down....

anniversaries

I realized this morning when I woke up that a year ago today we four went on the retreat with Tina Sellers. I am thankful for that time together- for an intense weekend of learning and deeper understandings of intimacy.

"For the first couple of years, it seemed like anniversaries were a little like birthdays when you're in your mid-twenties-- seriously, it's an accomplishment to just stay alive another year? We get to go out for a fancy dinner just because we stay married? I like a fancy dinner as much as the next girl, but it seemed like a lot of fuss for just making it through.
That's what I used to think, before several good friends' marriages ended, before I experienced firsthand just how difficult marriage can be, before we faced our hardest season yet by far.  I wouldn't say we have a hard marriage, but I'd say we had a really hard season.  This year, we understand that staying married is indeed an accomplishment, and that staying married well- connected and intimate and giving- sometimes requires every last thing we have to give."
-Shauna Niequist Bittersweet 

As you go about your days today wherever you are, may you hold each other in love today and keep moving toward one another to a more connected, intimate and giving relationship today.

a random picture I thought would bring a smile to your day... 

feeling connected even through your Verizon bill

I went online to pay your phone bill (only to then notice that it will be deducted from you bank account on 10/5). But the thing I loved is that as I started to log in, I  knew the answer to your security question, "Where did you and your spouse first meet?" I typed in "Malibu" and it let me to the next screen with no problems. 

It's just good to know that I could break into your account because I know you so well. 

XOXOXOXO

bittersweet...

Elizabeth- I fully realize that these pictures from Sunday morning below will be bittersweet, 

but I'm sending them in hopes that they are more sweet than bitter... :) 

long shadows in Laurelhurst 

Jacquelyn, Sarah, Sally and Tina

 (and a new girl who showed up who signed up to be on the "flock team") 

When I ran ahead, I told them I was taking a picture to send your way. Sally joked that she at first thought I was sprinting ahead for some workout or because they were not fast enough. (Yeah, right!!) 

just want you to know that it is a bit ironic that I am going to run on Sunday mornings 

(as that used to be my day off with my training plans for the last 3 marathons...).  

But, I know that deep down, I am there because it is my way to feel like you are not so far away. 

and along those lines about the bittersweetness 

of you seeing these pictures above for so many reasons, 

I read a book a few weeks ago called Bittersweet. 

I love these thoughts from the book below,

 and I think you will be able to relate for so many reasons... 

"The idea of bittersweet is changing the way I live, unraveling and re-weaving the way I understand life. Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a moment of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich even when it contains a splinter of sadness.

It’s the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, audacious, earthy.

Nearly 10 years ago, my friend Doug told me that the central image of the Christian faith is death and rebirth, that the core of it all, over and over again, is death and rebirth.  I’m sure I’d heart that before, but when he told me, for whatever reason, I really thought about it for the first time. And at the time, I didn’t agree.

What I did not understand until recently is that he wasn’t speaking to me as a theologian or a pastor or an expert, but rather as a person whose heart had been broken and who had been brought back to life by the story God tells in all our lives.  When you haven’t yet had your heart really broken, the gospel isn’t about death and rebirth. It’s about life and more life. It’s about hope and possibility and a brighter future.  And it is, certainly, about those things.

But when you’ve faced some kind of death- the loss of someone who loved dearly, the failure of a dream, the fracture of a relationship—that’s when you start understanding the central metaphor.  When your life is easy, a lot of the really crucial parts of Christian doctrine and life are nice theories, but you don’t really need them.  When, however, death of any kind is staring you in the face, all of a sudden rebirth and new life are very, very important to you.

Now ten years later, I know Doug was right.  I’ve thought about his words a thousand times in the last years, a season in my own life that has felt in some moments like death at ever turn. I’ve begun to train my eyes for rebirth, like looking for buds on branches after an endlessly long winter.  I know that death is real, and I trust that rebirth is real, too.

Christians generally aren’t great at lament and mourning.  Jews are really better at lament, maybe because they’ve had more practice.  My favorite part of a Jewish wedding is the breaking of the glass.  Like most Jewish traditions, there are a whole bunch of interpretations: some say that all the shards of broken glass suggest loads of future children and future happiness.  Some say that the breaking of the glass references the irreversible nature of marriage: in the same way that the glass can never be put back together after it’s been broken, two people can never be separated once they’ve been connected by marriage.  But my favorite interpretation is the one where the wine in the glass is a symbol for all of life, and when the bride and the groom drink it, they accept both the bitter and the sweet aspects of life. They accept that sometimes they’ll celebrate and sometimes they’ll mourn, in the same way that sometimes they’ll drink wind and sometimes glasses will shatter.

‘This is what I’ve come to believe about change: it’s good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it’s incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God’s hand, which is where you wanted to be all long, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be.

‘I’ve learned the hard way that change is one of God’s greatest gifts, and most useful tools. Change can push us, pull us, rebuke and remake us. It can show us who we’ve become, in the worst ways, and also in the best ways. I’ve learned that it’s not something to run away from, as though we could, and that in many cases, change is a function of God’s graciousness, not life’s cruelty.’ " -Shauna Niequist Bittersweet 

because the bridge was up...

The Fremont Bridge was up while I was biking home so I had a minute to check my phone and I saw your email response about feeling completely done... First of all, let me just commend you that you are incredibly articulate when you are frustrated. That email you wrote to Martha and to Luckson is excellent. I don't think you should feel any sender's remorse.  Remember when we went for a run and you were wondering what to do about the request for you and Bill to go to a completely different hospital, and after processing it together, we agreed that you needed to stand your ground and state your expectations. You have done the same thing here and you've done it well. 

The systems there are so different and so maddeningly inefficient that it is no surprise that you are going to feel like throwing your bike alongside the trail like Taylor did. 

Anyway, after I read your email, the bridge went back down and it was safe to head across. I biked back the the UDistrict and stopped by Heather Kwok's house to ask her to pray with me for you. So, we sat on the floor with Leah crawling around and prayed for a while. 

I want you to know that as you are sleeping that we were praying for peace, for stamina and strength for you, for you and Micah in particular to have a good interaction when you see him again in the morning (or afternoon if you have to leave before he wakes up), for Micah and Liam to have a day full of joy and learning, for Bill to have the strength to support you (thank you Bill for your heart in all of this!), for laughter at the ridiculousness of this all, for some gift of delight and grace to come your way in the new day ahead, for you to know you are in God's hands and that He's pushing you up the hill even though you are feeling cold and clammy and you want to stop.  

I'm thankful that the bridge was up so I could read your email before I got home so I could stop by Heather's before I had to get to another meeting so we could hold you up to the light together... 

an old picture of Taylor to share 

as this is the joy we are praying to surround you all today.... 

When you are all done...

I wrote to you yesterday about us biking to the Honeybear and back... It was a fabulous outing, but there's more to the story (as there usually is).  When we started biking, we zipped down the hill on Ravenna and hopped on the Burke Gilman trail. As we biked the stretch from UVillage to Met Market, Taylor was frustrated that his bike was not seeming to go as fast as usual. He thought that there might be something wrong with his gears.  I tried to encourage him to switch gears and get it into an easier gear, but he was just seeming to get more frustrated.  I could tell that this might turn into a very long bike ride if each attempt to pedal just caused him to spiral out into even more frustration and complaining so I gave a quick call to Jason.  He did not pick up the phone when I called him the first few times, but finally he called back.  We agreed to meet on the Burke by the bike store near UVillage, and we then biked back that direction.

Jason thought it might have been something with Taylor's ball bearings as he had worked on his bike last weekend, but when he checked everything, it seemed it was all in working order. Jason and I talked quietly amongst ourselves and agreed that this problem was more in Taylor's mind and that his legs might have felt a slight uphill and that he was just feeling fatigued.  It's easier to blame it on the bike than to blame it on the fact that he did not want to give it some effort.  So, Jason rode with us a bit and encouraged Taylor along the way.  And then when we got to Met Market again, we gave Taylor the choice of whether to come with me and Anna or to go back with Jason.  Something must have switched gears in his head, and he decided that he would come with me and Anna.

He seemed to have gotten over that first hump.  We had gatorade (thanks to your giant Costco size can that you gave us when you moved) and some snacks to give them a little boost when they needed it.  After we had gone around 5-6 miles, I began asking them to look for the little statue of the two kids under the umbrella, and that distraction was good for a bit.  But when we got to the sign that says "Leaving Seattle", Taylor began to ask me how much further. I knew it really was not that far now, but I did not know exactly how much further.  At one point, when I could hear the cars on Lake City Way, I told him we really were close, but Taylor did not believe me as he told me it was the sound of the wind.  He got off his bike and threw his bike on the ground and said, "I'm done!" I tried to explain that it was JUST AROUND THE CORNER, but he was ready to quit.  Anna was tired too, but she did not throw her bike down- she just does not respond to her exhaustion like that.

I thought of our numerous conversations about the acronym "HALT".  I knew he was hungry, angry and tired in this moment (and maybe lonely too for all I knew).  I gave him some gatorade and asked him to just come a bit further. And lo and behold, we really only had another 1-2 minutes of biking before we arrived at the crosswalk to get to Third Place Books and the Honeybear.  When we got there, I told them how long they had biked already (11.36 miles as I had tracked it on my phone-- it was longer getting there because of the added mileage we had when we had to figure out Taylor's bike situation.) We got treats at the bakery, went to the bathroom and then started back so we could meet up with Jason for an outing with some friends later in the afternoon.

When we were sitting down at the restaurant, the bagel I got for Taylor worked its magic and the calories were helping him to regroup.  He and Anna both were so proud of how far they had gone. And they said they were totally up for the trek back.  And the way home really was a piece of cake.  Taylor's attitude was a 180 degree spin from the moment when he threw his bike down on the ground.

I was praying in the middle of this situation that God would help me make all of this into a learning opportunity and that this bike ride would not be a lost cause for the day.  As I talked to Taylor and Anna on the ride back about this, we talked about how important it is to know yourself and to learn the triggers of when you are about to lose it.  Knowing when we need to get food or when to take a break is such a valuable tool.  Anna told me that she remembered when she was hiking this summer and she just had to plod on when the trail seemed long. She said it was the same way when she was not sure how much further on the Burke Gilman to the end of our yellow brick road for the day.  She's got grit and she is building those muscles.  What I was able to tell Taylor too is that he also had that grit. He wanted to give up, he got off his bike, but he then got back on and kept going. He did it! And when we got to our friend's house that afternoon, they were both so proud of themselves.  They were asking when we could do it again and perhaps go with some other friends too along the way.  When it was all said and done, they had ridden 19 miles and they were walking on sunshine.

I am telling you all of this because I know it would be a topic we would talk about on a run, Elizabeth. Also, I am telling you this because I have a feeling that there are days when you feel like throwing your bike on the ground and shouting to the world, "I'm DONE!!!"

Remember to HALT..... Listen to your body and to your heart. Get some food. Get some rest. And then put one foot in front of the other and keep on going! (As far as you know, the Honeybear (or some equivalent there in Blantyre) might be right around the corner.)

XOXOXO

Burke Gilman magic to share

It seems that a theme this month for us has been our effort to squeeze the last good drops of summer out of Seattle here. On Saturday morning, we checked another thing off my bucket list of biking to the Honeybear bakery and back on a ride down the Burke Gilman trail. Since Anna and Taylor have been such champs riding on the Lochside trail in Victoria, I gambled that this almost 20 mile ride would be in their reach today. And thankfully, because the Honeybear has some of the best treats in the NW, they felt it was totally worth it. :) 

And we had fun on our scavenger hunt of sorts trying to find the statue of the two children under the umbrella that you (Elizabeth) and I spotted on our training run for Boston a year and a half ago.... (Bill, have you ever seen this on your bike rides?) 

Elizabeth- we took these pictures for you! :) 

an umbrella with sunshine pouring in. :) 

we also spotted this cool Hobbit door that you and I have seen on our runs, Elizabeth... 

Taylor's selfies... :) 

some pictures we took at the Honeybear in a photo booth just for fun!