it's the 28th!

not many more 28ths until I'll be texting you to nail down a time to hang out with Micah.... 

some favorite Micah man pictures below.... 

chasing the enemy away

I've shared with you some of my favorite little devotions from the book called Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing before. Here's one I read to Anna yesterday morning that reminded me of you all:

"King Jehosaphat was alarmed.  
Well, you can't blame him. Three countries had banded together and were marching against him.  God's people were completely overpowered.  What would Jehosaphat do? 
Send his mightiest fighting men? Send soldiers and swords and spears? No. 
He sent a little choir. 
Pardon? 
And some songs. 
Excuse me? 
"Give thanks to the Lord!" they sang. "His love never ends!" 
It so confused the other army that they started fighting each other, and by the time the choir reached the battlefield they found no more enemies left. 
When God's children sing to him, it moves the heart of God and invites him into what's happening-- and chases the enemy away. 
Is anything overpowering you today? 
You know what to do!" 

Sing to him.  Psalm 105:2

and here are some pictures that have nothing to do with the text above, but I know they will make you smile:

E- maybe I could get a VIP pass for you for the next race you do as a welcome back gift to the USA.... 

some deep thoughts and some not so deep thoughts...

some deep thoughts to pass on as we think about what we put our identity in.... 

All forms of taking pride in ourselves have a dangerous potential in the spiritual life. [Thomas Merton] said of himself, ‘If I make anything out of the fact that I am Thomas Merton, I am dead.’ And then he added: ‘And if you make anything out of the fact that you are in charge of the pig barn (a dubious distinction which I had recently received and which I considered to involve some kind of promotion in status) you are dead. The moment you make anything out of anything you are dead.’  

-James Finley Mertons’s Palace of Nowhere

and some not so deep thoughts....

 I knew you'd love this ad from Brooks . :) 

fall forward....

The following is a passage by Ann Voskamp about her daughter's piano lesson. I thought you both would be able to relate.... I am praying that you all can fall forward in these coming days...

 "So you forgot some notes! Fear and old habits and people pressure and your own interior playlist can do that --- to all of us. But! When the piece started to fall apart?

You fell forward, Hope. You didn't fret about the music behind you --- you focused on the next bar."

Hope had nodded slowly, like a dawning, smiling.

The adjudicator looked down the row of girls and budding pianists and said it with this steady beat.

"We are all going to botch it somedays. We all sometimes get the notes wrong. But the song only goes wrong when we keep thinking back to the wrong notes."

"When a piece starts to fall apart --- fall forward. Fall forward into the next bar. Moving forward is what makes music."

And I sit there at the end of the year, on the end of the bed before the sock drawer with a lapful of holey, mismatched socks, and I can hear it, these notes that I might wear like a habit ---

Failing? What feels likes failing is really gaining experience. Keep moving Forward!

Falling apart? Fall forward into His arms --- falling forward is the only way you make music. Keep moving Forward!

Fearful? Fear is always the first step of faith. Keep moving Forward! 

Whenever you are lost, forward is always the way Home.

hope

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. - St. Clement of Alexandra

I love the quote above and have thought about it in light of Jason's job search for sure. 

I wonder what it brings up for you all there in Malawi today... 

Above is a picture of our first bloom from the bulbs that Tamara and I planted in the fall... spring hope indeed! 

(and when we planted them, we said to each other that when they bloomed that it would mean that it was that much closer to when you would be coming home!) 

who we really are

this quote below hits home for me and I have a feeling you will be able to relate too... 

 Who We Really Are

In community we work out our connectedness to God, to one another, and to ourselves. It is in community where we find out who we really are. It is life with another that shows my impatience and life with another that demonstrates my possessiveness and life with another that gives notice to my nagging devotion to the self. Life with someone else, in other words, doesn’t show me nearly as much about his or her shortcomings as it does about my own…. In human relationships I learn that theory is no substitute for love. It is easy to talk about the love of God; it is another thing to practice it.  -Joan Chittister Wisdom Distilled from the Daily 

and a few pictures below I've been storing up for you.... 

Hannah got glasses! 

another cheetah sighting around town 

a random bird cage hanging in Ravenna Park... 

we just had to snap a photo for you and

 we look forward to showing it to you when you get home. :) 

Thinking of you

We were in the mountains this weekend and you were with us in spirit... 

and we are counting down the days until we can share some summer adventures with you. 

(seriously, can we get some dates on the calendar now?!) 

out the car window on our drive yesterday 

picture taken just for you

(just put a bird on it) 

walking up what is usually covered in snow this time of year at Mt. Baker Ski area 

3 miles down the road from where we hiked, we found some snow for sledding... 

secret of discipline

So let us plant dates, even though

we who plant them will never eat them.

We must live by the love of what we 

will never see.

That is the secret of discipline. 

Rubel Alvez, Brazilian theologian

small and screechy

 loved these words that I read to Anna and Taylor over breakfast.... 
"If you had to pick one bird out of the nine thousand species in the world to talk about, which one would you pick? A peacock? A kingfisher? Someone fancy?
Jesus chose the drabbest, dullest, commonest, brashest, most irritating, badly behaved, small and screechy bird-- one that doesn't even have its own song.
He chose the sparrow. And said every single sparrow is made by God, looked after by him and loved by him.  God, who made the endless galaxies and planets and the stars in the vast heavens, says a tiny sparrow doesn't come to the end of its tiny life without him noticing.
If God cares for the tiniest sparrow, how much more must he care for you, his child?" -Sally Lloyd Jones Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing
Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. -Matthew 10:29 

(and of course I thought of you because there's a bird involved.) 

Lent 2015

Last night, Taylor told me that he wanted to give up school for Lent. 

Nice try. :) 

Here is part of the liturgy at church last night that was really meaningful: 

We begin our journey to Easter with the sign of ashes. 

This ancient sign speaks of the frailty and uncertainty of human life, calls us to heartfelt repentance and urges us to place our hope in God alone. 

Almighty God, you have created us out of the dust of the earth. May these ashes remind us of our mortality and penitence and teach us again that only by your gracious gift are we given everlasting life through Jesus Christ our Savior. 

Accomplish in us, O God, the work of your salvation that we may show forth your glory in the world. By the cross and the passion of our Savior bring us with all your saints to the joy of Christ's resurrection. May the God of hope fill us with all joy and peace through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

"...the biggest mistake I see families and churches making when they talk about Lent and sacrifice is that the sacrifice slips into somehow feeling like we have to earn God’s approval.

We don’t. What separates Christianity from every other religion is grace......

In short, we honor Lent not to earn God’s approval or to feel better about ourselves, but so our lives are great big Thank You Notes back to God." -Kara Powell 

http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/blog/the-one-truth-i-want-all-kids-and-people-to-know-about-lent

more Tolkein wisdom for you today

Since I sent you some Tolkein yesterday, I thought I'd keep going with that theme today.  A colleague shared this quote last week in our faculty seminar that Tolkein wrote to his son about marriage.  

“When the glamour wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. . . And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgment concerning whom, amongst the total chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the 'real soul-mate' is the one you are actually married to.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien

May you all keep choosing to love one another over and over again.  I think for Lent that Jason and I are going to try to add in our hugs and kisses each day... how easy it is to get out of practice and to neglect these things when life gets busy.  Let us know if you care to join us for the next 40 days... 

XOXO 

a Return of the King passage

A friend recently reminded me of this short bit in Tolkien’s The Return of the King where Sam Gamgee simply looks up and sees a star breaking through the darkness.  Just enough light to be reminded that all the mounting darkness is still below something that is grand and beautiful:

Frodo sighed and was asleep almost before the words were spoken.  Sam struggled with his own weariness, and he took Frodo’s hand; and there he sat silent till deep night fell.  Then at last, to keep himself awake, he crawled from the hiding-place and looked out. The land seemed full of creaking and cracking and sly noises, but there was no sound of voice or of foot.  Far above the Ephel Duarth in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale.  There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while.  The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him.  For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing:  there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach.  (Return of the King, 244)

I wanted to share this with you as I imagine you are feeling disappointed about your mom not being able to come and feeling the weight of Elliott's surgery coming up.

Blessing and peace to you all… light is shining in the darkness indeed…

thoughts on raising boys and deep talks with my girl....

The following is written by my friend David Thomas on raising boys.. I loved the reminders and tips below and thought you'd appreciate them too: 

"Research shows girls are more attuned to the sound of human voices and seem to actually prefer the sound to other sounds. From birth, baby boys and girls like to grunt and gurgle. The difference is girls prefer people to interact with while boys are equally happy to chatter away at abstract geometric designs. The male brain is wired for activity while the female brain is biased towards the personal.

From birth baby boys are more active and wakeful,, but baby girls show an aptitude in communicating and are more sensitive to relationship compared to boys. One study involving 2-4 day old babies revealed infant boys spent 50% less time holding eye contact with an adult than infant girls. She is wired for relationship. It’s not that he can’t do relationship, but much about the way he engages relationship is different.

These relational patterns are further understood as we study the gender differences in the brain. Our brains are full or white and grey matter, responsible for a range of tasks and processing. The white matter in the female brain is concentrated in the Corpus Collosum, the part of the brain that links the hemispheres and helps both sides of the brain “talk” to each other effectively. This explains why females are stronger verbally than males.

In her book You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen labels the differences in communications styles of females and males as “rapport” talk and “report” talk. According to Tannen, females use conversation to maintain intimacy, develop rapport and increase connection. Males, on the other hand, talk to establish independence, build status and deliver data.

Researchers generally agree that upwards of 70-80% of all communication is nonverbal. When females talk to each other, they generally stand close together, maintain eye contact and gesture frequently. Males typically keep a greater distance, avoid eye contact and gesture much less often. The differences go on and on. As parents, we want to be strategic, creative and intentional as we encounter these differences.

With boys, it’s always good to talk around a task – build legos, stack blocks, craft objects from wood, shoot hoops, play catch, or walk the family dog. Boys have some of their best conversations side by side rather than face to face. Eye contact can actually feel threatening to boys and we end up with less access to them rather than more.

Secondly, take advantage of bedtime. The window between winding down and sleep is an advantageous window to get access to a boy. His emotional defenses are down and we can have some of our best conversations with him while rubbing his head, scratching his back, or just laying next to him in the dark. Again, we are able to avoid eye contact in a way that often feels safe to him.

Thirdly, learn to read between the lines. Boys take a certain amount of decoding. Throughout his development, he will question his abilities, his ranking in the pecking order of the boy world, his identity, and his purpose. We want to watch for moments where we see evidence of his questioning or doubting himself in his behavior. By 9-10 his brain will instinctively begin to channel all primary emotions (sadness, fear, disappointment) into one emotion – anger. When he melts down and starts hitting or throwing objects over losing a game, missing an important goal, or not being invited to a birthday party, we’ll have to help him put words to his experience so he learns to articulate his experience."

Also, I wanted to share with you a little window into my time with Anna a few days ago...

On Friday afternoon to celebrate the 13th for Anna, the two of us went to a fun deli in the neighborhood on the Ave called Fat Ducks that has some of the best desserts around.  Bill, I think you went there with the boys one time and discovered the bagel dogs there. :) 

Anyway, we took the book Out of My Mind to talk about (which is one of the two books I wanted Anna to read this year before her 13th birthday. The other one is To Kill a Mockingbird which is next on her list.)  

Here is the summary from Amazon of Out of My Mind: 

Eleven-year-old Melody has a photographic memory. Her head is like a video camera that is always recording. Always. And there's no delete button. She's the smartest kid in her whole school—but no one knows it. Most people—her teachers and doctors included—don't think she's capable of learning, and up until recently her school days consisted of listening to the same preschool-level alphabet lessons again and again and again. If only she could speak up, if only she could tell people what she thinks and knows . . . but she can't, because Melody can't talk. She can't walk. She can't write. Being stuck inside her head is making Melody go out of her mind—that is, until she discovers something that will allow her to speak for the first time ever. At last Melody has a voice . . . but not everyone around her is ready to hear it.From multiple Coretta Scott King Award winner Sharon M. Draper comes a story full of heartache and hope. Get ready to meet a girl whose voice you'll never, ever forget.

Has Liam read this book? If not, it is a MUST! 

As we talked about what she liked about the book, I loved hearing some of her insights and the details that she remembered.  We started into a discussion on stereotypes, and Anna referenced the TED talk she watched recently in her language arts class called "The danger of the single story." (see summary of the TED talk below if you've not watched it.. I think I've talked to you about it Elizabeth, but I'm not sure I've shared it with you before, Bill.)  This is a video that I was first introduced to when I taught at UT with the Urban Multicultural Department, and it was powerful to show this talk and to challenge students to think about stereotypes.  Ever since then, I have shown it every quarter to my students in classroom management at SPU as well, and it has been pivotal in some of the conversations I've had with interns about identity in the classroom and about building relationships with families and students.   

There we were talking about things on such an adult level, and it was amazing to sit there and see Anna growing up before my eyes.   I am so grateful for the deep well that Anna has... I look forward to many more books to read with this girl through the years. 

I know I will learn so much from her! 

and here's our little reader bundled up on the front porch this afternoon.... 

she looks like an Ewok here 

Here is the summary of the TED talk: 

The speaker, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, begins by telling us a story about what she would write about as a child. She would write stories that were similar to the foreign stories she would read which contained white skinned children with blue eyes, nothing like her. Until she found African stories is when she realized that people like her could be in stories. If we hear or read stories about a part of the world we tend to perceive that part of the world as the stories describe those places. Those stories we receive make us feel certain emotions, emotions like pity, towards the people that live in those places. Adichie gives an experience of her own about a single story when she heard the debates about immigration in the United States. Immigration in America became equal to Mexicans, Mexicans that were sneaking across the border. When she visited Guadalajara she was a bit surprised to see Mexicans differently than the immigrants that America talked about. She then goes to say, “Show people as one thing and one thing only over and over again and that is what they become.”  That is the consequence of the single story about a person, place, or issue. A single story also robs people of dignity and emphasizes how different people are.  By engaging with all the stories of a person, place, or issue, the trap of a single story can be avoided. Adichie could have looked at the Mexican and the U.S. side of the immigration issue so she would have balanced the stories and not fallen into the single story trap. I agree that the single story makes the differences in people stand out and the single story is an incomplete description.

the resurrection process

The Resurrection Process 
He penetrates the entire cosmos,

pervades the whole world,

and makes his presence felt in every human being.

The resurrection is a process that began with Jesus

and that will go on until it embraces all creation.

Wherever an authentically human life is growing in the world,

wherever justice is triumphing over the instincts of domination,

wherever grace is winning out over the power of sin,

wherever human beings are creating more

fraternal mediations in the social life together,

wherever love is getting the better of selfish interests,

and wherever hope is resisting the lure of cynicism or despair,

there the process of resurrection

is being turned into a reality.

-Leonardo Boff 

Upon reading that, I thought of you all with many of the challenges you've faced this year especially in your relationship with Blessings.  Praying for hope and resurrection in unlikely places for you all there--- 

Sending you some love from the hope trees blossoming here: 

p.s. Elizabeth, there is a woman who roomed with us at the UPC retreat a couple of years ago. She knew Tamara through View Ridge (neighborhood and school).  Anyway, I don't remember her name so I don't expect her to remember mine. But anyway, she passed me at church today and said, "Hi Elizabeth!"  I just smiled and said hi back loving every minute of it. :) 

Us

this is a beautiful post to share.... so thankful for "US"... and thank you for being with us over the miles with this long job search year.... 

Happy Valentine's Day! 

“Us”

February 10, 2015

We all have them.  The longer we live, the more they crop up into our lives…  I am talking about anniversaries for moments we wished had never happened.  As a nation, we have 9/11.  Yet each family has their own sad days of remembrance, too.  For me, it is October 15^th.

October 15^th is the day my husband and met with the neurologist to discuss why my son was developing in a pace not similar to others.  I already knew in my heart the truth, but that day the words got spoken out loud and written down in medical files.

Years later, it is not as hard of a story as I had thought it would be.  If I could have sat down with God and made a list that day of everything I would want and need for my son, and included things I didn’t know then, but I do know now…  that list would be so long.  Make him young when we learn.  Make him mild.  Make him fiercely emotionally connected to our family, even though I know other families don’t receive that grace.  Put us in California, where the laws are good.  Put us in the school district with a great reputation before we even know we need it.  Give us insurance companies that say ‘Yes.’  Give us the best therapists.  We need super supportive grandparents, financially and emotionally. I need a best friend who is also a psychologist.  Make his sister an extreme extrovert.  Make him my cuddly child.  Make academics easier…  I could go on and on…  making the list of what I want and think I need for my son.

And the truth is that everything I could have ever asked for was answered by God with a ‘Yes.’  I feel guilty and conflicted about writing that, knowing that others have not been so lucky.  All I know is that when much has been given, there is an obligation placed upon you, and I intend to figure out how to fulfill that.

Regardless, October 15^th was still a very low point for us.  In the weeks that followed I spent hours on the phone to the insurance company, and re-worked everything that was established in our family rhythm and priorities to make room for our new reality of daily therapy, and constant effort for baby steps.

I could not also spend hours on the phone with my own family, too.  Not because I did not have the time, but because I was tired of crying.  Speaking the words out loud to loving people and hearing them ask compassionate questions and be so very kind with me, was too much for my raw tender heart.  I felt so very alone and isolated in my own struggles.  It seemed no one I knew would have any idea what I was going through.  And often times, their words indicated as much.

And then my brother texted me…  “I have this doctor friend at my work, and she has experience with this in her own family, she could be a resource to us.”

It seems like such a simple text.  Yet, it was the salve on my wounds that I didn’t even know that I needed.

Notice the last word…  ‘us.’  My brother could have written, “She could be a resource to you.”  ‘You’ would have made logical sense.  This is my kid.  This is my burden.  This is my story.  But he wrote, ‘us,’ and he meant it.  My brother intended to stand WITH me.  My son was loved by more than me, and my burdened would be shared by more than me.  In act of true kindness, my brother offered solidarity and ushered in my healing.

Since then ‘us’ has become the sweetest word to me.  It offers promise and hope and it is the power of community to save.  May you have an ‘us,’ and may you, too, offer ‘us’ whenever you can.   http://www.jeaninesmithonline.com/2015/02/10/us/

a Valentine run this morning and a picture we snapped just for you... 

we even each took a turn on the zip line at Cowen Park on the way back from our run. :) 

The Science of Happiness - Happy Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 

the number of times you all are on our refrigerator is telling... 

just wanted to remind you of these snapshots we see everyday. 

and this video is awesome. :) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHv6vTKD6lg

There's no better time than now to remind you that we are so so so so grateful for you four.

When we close our eyes and think about someone who is so special to our family, it's not hard to have images of you splash all over our minds.  

When we've felt an ache this year, it's been because you all are our home team and it's taken a bit of an adjustment to figure out how to make life work without you here. 

You are our people who push us up hills (literally), who help us think more deeply about things, who delve into topics about intimacy and marriage, who laugh and cry and love us well. 

The 7th and the 28th will always be special days to me, Liam and Micah because I love spending time with you all.  From the time we moved back, you called us "family" and have embraced us and given us the gift of belonging. 

Happy Valentine's Day to you four- 

you are some of our favorite people in the entire world!! 

this card was 3 feet by 2 feet. I would have bought it and sent it your way, but your mom's bag is already bulging with stuff to come your way in a few weeks. :)